In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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