i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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