I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think your dad took our porno
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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