I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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