I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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