god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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