She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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