so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize