3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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