two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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