I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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