I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize