Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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