Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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