ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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