You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize