His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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