Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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