I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize