Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dear god my vagina.
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