I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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