a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize