Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize