Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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