This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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