There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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