Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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