At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize