I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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