I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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