how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Will exercising make me less horny?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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