Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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