I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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