I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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