In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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