i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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