My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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