You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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