Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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