why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize