just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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