On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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