i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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