3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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