so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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