I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize