I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You were trust falling into bushes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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