he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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