Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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