And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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