3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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